Paging Rex Banner, The Beer Baron Has Been Spotted At STU!

I was watching the ATV Evening News earlier today, and one of the reports just dumbfounded me! They ran a story where there was a rumour on STU campus in Fredericton, NB that university administrators were planning to ban alcohol outright. I guess STU was tired of watching their compatriots down the hill (UNB) outrival them in ineptness and stupidity, so they just had to get in on the action!

Okay, let me say this out loud for any college bureaucrats out there that might be reading this: history has proven that PROHIBITION DOES NOT WORK!

What do they think will happen when they ban the bottle from all their residences and functions? That's right genius, they'll move their rebellious, non-soberity loving asses down to UNB's residences, and more likely, off campus. Residence at STU will be deader than an terrorist in Kansas, and proctors will be put in the uncomfortable position of confiscating contraband booze from those who choose to defy the "rules". And the word that STU is a dry campus will dissuade those who might otherwise grace its halls with their worthy minds.

By moving off-campus to do the partying that they were gonna do anyway the instant they gained their independence, freshman may be put at risk of delving too deep in the lifestyle, ignoring their schoolwork and putting their health at risk by being in environments where alcohol poisoning would be more likely. Having residence "wet" allows proctors, dons, and responsible upperclassmen/women to monitor first-year's drinking behaviour more closely, counselling them when they start to forget why they are at school in the first place, and cutting them off when they have had much too much of the drink.

If they would just focus on ways to regulate and manage the problem instead of imposing rules as they were surrogate parents, real progress towards making our campuses more vibrant and full of school spirit might be achieved. They seem, however, to be bogged down in the trend of social conservatism that seems to be all the rage among public officials these days (though the general public has been more liberal than ever, according to statistics).

Like or lump it, alcohol plays a role in college life. They sometimes get carried away with its consumption, but those who would seek to protect us from the "evils" of the hooch need only remember one thing: they are not kids anymore. If only institutions just realized that.